Who Can You Trust for Medical Advice???? Part One

What a revelation!!!! I've been going to what we generally call regular medical doctors. You know the ones I mean-they go through four years of pre-med, take many tests, and if highly motivated and intelligent get picked by a medical school. Then they struggle for years, working eighty hours a week or more, learning and honing their craft of medicine.

But, listen carefully. A few days ago I was having lunch at Jake's Hot Dogs and for some reason, the waitress started talking to me. Dang!

She explained in detail that all real medical doctors are in the back pockets of BIG PHARMA. That's right, every single one of them. And, here's the worst of it, whatever Big Pharma tells them to sell, they do. Of course, Big Pharma gives them big bucks for being their shills.

OK, OK, where does the waitress get her medical advice and treatment? Wow. Yep, she gets her treatment from a chiropractor, a naturopathic doctor, and routinely gets medical advice and buys products from movie stars. Thank goodness, this lady shared all of this advice and information with me.

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First Lady Responds to Critics of Her Christmas Trees....

Recently, a reliable source reported that Melania, yes, that Melania, had spent 4.7 million for custom made red Christmas trees to decorate the White House.

Mrs. First Lady, there are many people in our country who don't have enough to eat. Wouldn't it have been better to spend the Christmas tree money to help feed them?

Actually, no. Unless we have visibly poor people how would we, who are rich, know that we're rich without having poor people to compare ourselves too.

Hmm. Well, you're a Trump so I guess you know about such things. I had never thought about it that way. You Trumps are really smart.

This Is Our Leader....And, He's Doing a Heck of a Job!!!!!!

Trump Has the Harshest of Penalties for the Saudis

Trump now has all of the information from our intelligence agencies about the killing of Jamal Khashoggi. It would seem, from the information, that Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman ordered the killing. That is the consensus.

Trump met with his top advisers and many retaliatory options were discussed:

(1) Fire up the B52s and bomb the shit out of them.
(2) Stop refueling their fighters so that they can't kill more civilians in Yemen.

Thank goodness our president is a tough guy!

(3) Refuse to sell them more bombs so that the slaughter of civilians in Yemen will stop.
(4) Challenge MBS to a duel.    

Though I'm sure it was a tough decision, after 30 seconds of thinking a decision was made.

Trump considered a duel but his bone spurs are still acting up. Finally, he came up with the worst possible punishment he could think of.

When MBS stays at Trump's resort, Mar-a-Lago, for a period of one year he will not be able to stay in the best room and will no longer get his usual 10% discount. Also, Trump is not going to introduce him to Stormy Daniels.

Donald Trump Has Endorsed Her!!

Trump spent millions of our tax dollars to fly to Mississippi to promote Cindy Hyde-Smith. I'm sure that he's proud that we now have in 2018, a Confederate Soldier as a US Senator.

EDIT: And, remember, it's heritage, not hate.

GM Closing Car Manufacturing Plants and Many Employees Laid Off.... Trump Mobilizes the Michigan National Guard.

In an unprecedented move, President Trump has mobilized the Michigan National Guard. The orders from the President are simple.

Keep all of the GM plants open and roundup all of the executives who were involved in the closings. 

Michigan National Guard making plans as to how best to carry out the president's orders.

Trump added there was no ambiguity in his decision to have the Guard keep the plants open and roundup the executives. He stressed that his GUT told him what to do. Though some of his staff may have disagreed with him, they realized that once his GUT had spoken, it was futile to try to use reason and logic with him.

Trump's Gut is Pretty Darn Intelligent....

"I'm doing deals and I'm not being accommodated by the Fed," Trump told the Post in an interview. "They're making a mistake because I have a gut and my gut tells me more sometimes than anybody else's brain can ever tell me."

Is a picture worth a thousand words?

Mr. President, You've Called Out the Air Force?

Yes, Mikey, that's a president's job. It's not always easy but I have to do what's best for the American people.

But, B-52s?

Mikey, it's a tough job but that's why I was elected. The people know I'll put the US first and act appropriately when we're being invaded. 

But, it's only a couple of thousand mainly women and kids.

Mikey, Mikey, how many times do I have to tell you. All of them have the

potential to be terrorists, We can't be too careful.

Ahh, Mr. President. Don't you need workers at your Mar-a-Lago? 

Well, now that you mention it, I'm sure the folks at the border are really good people. You know. And, they'll work for almost nothing. Hmm. Good idea, Mikey. What about the ones we don't need? I'm still going to fire up the old B-52s.

Mr. President. Rakes! We need folks to rake.

You're amazing, Mikey. Too bad you don't want to chase chicks with me.

Our Opioid Problem is Solved! Thank God for Pence!

Well, this is all amazing, Trump is letting Pence out of the house, so to speak.

Trump's actually letting him work on the problem of our national opioid addiction that's killing many of our citizens. Pence says he has the answer. December 25th this year and all years forward will not only be known as Christmas but National Opioid Prayer Day. According to Vice-President Pence, getting away from God has caused all of our problems including the opioid problem.

Citizens, after Christmas this year, 2018, we can all rest easy about our country's opioid addiction problem.

On Christmas day at exactly 12 noon (EST) Pence wants us all to come out into the street, join hands with our neighbors, and pray. He says with all of us praying it shouldn't take but a couple of minutes. Honest, that's what he says. Wow, what else can he fix with prayer.

EDIT: Almost forgot to mention, we all have to be wearing one of those red hats when we're praying or it won't work. Ivanka has them on special for this prayer event for only $73.99, plus shipping and handling.

You Can't Fool Trump.... He Has the Answers.

The fires in California. At first Trump said they were caused by poor forest management and he was going to withhold federal funds. Then he flipped on that and decided he give funds. Well, things have changed.

He now knows with certainty that the fires were caused because no one was raking. Yes, you heard right. The absolute destruction of homes and loss of life was caused because no one raked.

Our president has now authorized millions of dollars to buy rakes for all of the fire fighters and citizens in California. Yikes, so glad our president is at the helm. No telling what problem he will fix next.

Edit: A confidential source reported that Trump loaded up Air Force One with rakes. He'd planned to fly to California, distribute the rakes, and symbolically he was going to rake for a few minutes. Sadly, at the last minute, just before he got on Air Force One, his bone spurs started acting up and he was rushed to an ER. Hey, got to hand it to him, he was going to be there with us.

Ivanka to New Job.... The World is Saved.

Our president, Donald Trump, got in a new exhaustive report prepared by our government and its top scientists on how climate change is effecting our world. Being the truly intelligent, mentally stable fellow he is he dismissed it as being, yes, fake news. 

He also immediately had his staff draw up an executive order. There is now another cabinet position-Secretary of Climate Change. And, who better to fill that position than his brilliant daughter, Ivanka.

I'm sure we all feel a lot better now and can relax about the climate change problem.

Edit: Though this may not be true, a reliable confidential source said that Ivanka didn't graduate from Wharton. The source said that Ivanka's education after high school is a diploma from Trump University. Hey, that's pretty good, isn't it.